MARCH 21, 2016
Fox, the network that gave us the best live musical TV production to date just 6 weeks ago with “Grease Live!” now brings us the unparalleled “what-the-hell-was-that?” event of the year with “The Passion,” the Tyler Perry-hosted live depiction of the last days of the life of Jesus Christ.
Where to start with this thing? First, some background — this is a concept that originated in England and the Netherlands in an attempt to bring the Passion Play to new audiences by blending it with pop music. This not a bad idea in concept, but seeing it play out Sunday night on live television, it is so disjointed that there’s no one element that can ever grab your emotions.
Let’s lay out how they did this — Perry is live in New Orleans’ Woldenberg Park serving as host/narrator before a crowd of 20,000 people. As he sets up the story of Christ’s final days, it is told not through actors performing on a stage but as a music video on a 30-foot high screen. In the video, Jesus is on a streetcar heading into Jerusalem (New Orleans), picking up his 12 disciples, and a cuter bunch you could never imagine. (‘N Sync had nothing on this crew.)
As the music video progresses, we periodically cut back to the live park audience, where some are mouthing the lyrics while others are crying. Unlike “Grease Live!,” “The Passion” is not geared for heathen musical queens like me. Yes, to many of us it’s strange to see thousands of people bundled up in a park watching a music video, but as I was monitoring the #ThePassion Twitter feed on Sunday night, apparently the production hit a home run with faith-based viewers across the country. Even the advertisers caught on — there were spots for the current faith-based film “Miracles From Heaven,” the upcoming “Ben-Hur” remake and even a Christian-based episode of “Empire.” (“Empire,” really? God only knows how St. Peter will deal with Cookie when she gets to the pearly gates!)
Some of the attempts to make the Biblical events contemporary — Jesus gives Peter his “On this rock, I will build my church” speech in a Starbucks, and he gets the loaves and fishes from a food truck (the Bread and Mackerel Truck, presumably) — are absolutely ludicrous. And then the Last Supper is conducted on park benches, as Jesus sings to his Backstreet Disciples the famous Creed anthem “With Arms Wide Open.” (What loving God would subject us to Creed?)
But wait! Breaking news! — we cut to Entertainment Tonight reporter Nischelle Turner as she covers a procession of a crowd carrying a large illuminated cross live through the streets of New Orleans. Then we return to the park. Perry: “Now back to our story…Jesus is in a park surrounded by NOPD cops…” Huh???
By this time, the whole thing just feels cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Judas (rocker Chris Daughtry, who is one of the few to survive this wreckage) shows up with a SWAT team to arrest Jesus (Gencarlos Genela, of NBC’s “Telenovela”), who joins him on a duet of Imagine Dragons’ “Demons.” Peter (Prince Royce) denies Jesus three times while singing Hoobastank’s “The Reason,” because nothing says Jesus as well as Hoobastank. Given how they handled everything else, it’s probably a blessing that they didn’t try to stage the crucifixion, but Perry nevertheless delivered a surprisingly graphic depiction of Jesus’ wounds from out of left field that was just weird.
The big finale was Jesus in heaven, which is apparently the rooftop of the New Orleans Westin hotel, as he sings Katy Perry’s “Unconditionally” to the crowd below, most of whom are busy taking selfies. I swear that this all really happened.
Perry was a particularly unnecessary narrator, cutting to commercials, promising that Jesus will be betrayed “when we get back.” My favorite moments were when, after a particularly inept dramatic video of the apostles, Perry came back with a “Wow!,” apparently not meaning it sarcastically.
There’s no slight on the performers. Genela was a pretty bland Jesus, although he did manage a dramatic tear when confronted with Pontius Pilate (a very dapper Seal, who had the most ridiculous song of the night with “We Don’t Need Another Hero” and the best with “Mad World.”). Besides Daughtry, MVP honors go to Trisha Yearwood, as Mary the Mother of God, who had to sing live in the New Orleans wind and gave it her all. She could have cut back a little, though, on the designer dress and sparkling earrings, but who knows — maybe Mary was a fashionista.
As bad as this was (and you don’t know the half of it), I’m happy that Fox is taking a chance with live musical events. Both “Grease Live!” (which worked spectacularly) and this (which didn’t spectacularly) were real risks (as opposed to NBC’s December live musicals, which have been pretty safe and boring). Ratings for the two-hour pageant weren’t great (down 42% from “Grease Live!”), so it’s unlikely we’ll be seeing a “Passion 2,” but for those of us who did endure it, we will have our memories of these head-scratching moments for years to come and chuckle.
GRADE: D+
